"If you eat the red ones and the yellow ones, why not the orange? That's like if you like white people and you like black people, you've gotta like brown people." ~Langford

"If the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body, then only left handed people are in their right minds"

"When life gives you a wheelchair, find a ramp!"

"When you're kissing the right person, it's always simple."

"So don't put your hairy legs up against your sister!" ~Mom

"Is it just me, or does that kid sound like a goat?"

"Are we in Japan?" ~Thomas Heath

"We have ice cream cake too."

"Why didn't you tell me that before I ate my third sandwich?"

~Jansen Deuel and Nathan Craven

"It's not really an ice cream cake yet because it's not frozen yet."
"It's more like milk cake."

~Jansen Deuel and Landon Wick

"Today I ate a foot-long square." ~Landon Wick

"Jansen, something's wrong. My cake keeps disappearing." ~Landon Wick

"Katie dresses by braille." ~Dad

"The gravy spreads like nutella on my turkey."

"Boy, you scamper pretty well." ~Langford

"I need to go to the bathroom before I watch this guy or I'll soil myself." ~Shawn Werber

"I feel more and more like a woman every second." ~Shawn Werber

"I'm gonna blow smelly cheese chunks in your direction."

"So now I know bald men still wash their heads..."

"If bad ideas were an olympic event, this would take the gold."

"They have great sugar free sugar cookies." ~Mrs. Merrell

"Arrogance complies prior to investigation." ~Taco Bell Worker

"I'm looking at everybody! Are you sensitive or what?" ~Mrs. Merrell (talking to Ryan of course)

"So I heard the captain of the Titanic had a crush on one of the guests, but in the end he just didn't know how to break the ice." ~Landon Wick

"She's eight. If God trusts her with sin, we should be able to trust her with a sandwich." ~Dad

"It looks like he's wearing a shirt under a shirt, but it's chest hair." ~Jansen Deuel

"Why does the black guy always die first?" ~Jansen Deuel

"If I ever lost my arm, I'd wanna, like, slap someone with it." ~Jansen Deuel

"Airplanes are magical. You walk in them and walk back out and you're some place completely new."

"Caleb's practically a Spice Girl." ~Brittni Mardis

"I'm gonna get a bucket of freaking acid and dump it on you." ~Chelsea Gover

"At least I don't eat fat sauce!" ~Jansen Deuel

"You know what? I can save a whole dollar by being an old lady." ~Mrs. Merrell

"Aaron, I know you put cheese in your ramen noodles, but ketchup on your pancakes is too much." ~Kaylee Maxwell

"This is like the Last Supper and Mrs. Merrell is Jesus." ~Landon Wick, at the last Journalism breakfast

"Oh my goodness. What did you order, Landon?"

"It's the Last Supper. Don't judge him!"

~Mrs. Merrell and Kaitlyn Child

"Are you saying all Asians have exploding warts?" ~Brandon

"Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters. Perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire." ~Tanner Spaulding

"I shave in the morning and then after school I look and they're all back." ~Kiki

"Did you spit on my redhead?" ~Eric Armijo

"Wait. Doesn't everyone's hearts stop when they die?" ~Katie Tremelling

"Hey, you're pinching my toe in your leg."

"There are still naked potatoes over here, so I'll just do everyone a favor and go get more." ~Darren Robinson

"My spiritual body is fat." ~Audrey Eldredge

"This place is amazing, Jessie. You need to move faster when there's free juice!" ~Landon Wick

"It bores me to say things that are normal." ~Brittni Mardis

"It's easy to say deep things when you're eating. Because eating goes deep." ~Brittni Mardis

"If you can't open a door, how can you drive a car?" ~Sarilee

"I'm sorry, but no dog with a smashed up face deserves to be called Princess." ~Dad

"I was raised by my grandparents. You know what they did? They gave me a helmet to walk around town."

"That's a man? Those are woman legs!"

"I mind wrote that." ~Logan Heavyrunner

"Why do singers sing to me and then not take me to the beach?" ~Logan Heavyrunner

"There's a noise coming from this." ~Cecily Whittier

"How about you bring your own juice so he can get nourishment also?" ~Chelsea Gover

"Nice knit unitard." ~Cameron

"I like porcupines. It shows that God has a sense of humor."

"I'm not gonna get pants to go get fried chicken." ~Taylor Smith

"Happy Birthday! Here's some cancer." ~Megan

"It's like a little happy trail of flowers that opens up into a beautiful meadow." ~Landon Wick talking about his chest hair

"Late at night, when everyone is sound asleep, I fill my bathtub with marinara sauce. Then I submerge myself completely in the sauce and imagine that I'm a meatball." ~A Comment on Youtube

"Your cheek balls, they're like perfect little sugar plums!" ~iCarly

"He talked about horror movies and now he's playing ping pong."

"You better wake up or I'm gonna torture you with poorly made lemonade!" ~Steven Degraaf

"Sometimes it's a good day to die. Sometimes it's a good day to have breakfast."

"Sticks and stones may break your bones but they can sure kill Goliath." ~Mom

"You realize that if you were born in a renaissance time there would be a statue of you?" ~Brenten Canfield

"I hate it when you can't tell if it's black or dark blue." ~Nathan Craven

"I like watermelon powder." ~Cameron

"We don't have mayo? That's like saying we don't have air." ~Dad

"I wonder if my butt cheeks fit in your butt cheeks?" ~Sonia

"She's pressing her nose into him." ~Dad

"I think Nate Hansen belongs on the half dollar coin." ~Cameron

"Mom is slap happy! She saw that and spanked me!"

"I have a bigger limit to gravity than most of you. I could beat most of you in a race... As long as food is at the end of the race." ~Ziegler

"If I had a bee in my rear I'm pretty sure I would feel that too." ~Langford

"Tuesday is like a hangover from your hangover." ~Cecily

"If you want to use me as an example you can, because I'm pretty perfect." ~Landon Wick talking to Mrs. Merrell

"There's just something about this car that makes us test our lungs!"

"It's hard to cross your toes with shoes on." ~Zack Jacobson

"What are you talking about? It's good! Have you had my mom's green juice? She puts nuts in it!" ~Cecily

"We woke up and we were asleep." ~Mitch Nelson

"It's like cookie monster, but robe style."

"Singing is a joy, but music is work."

"Some of the worst things imaginable have been done with the best intentions." ~Alan Grant, Jurrasic Park

"I feel like we're a giant caterpillar."

"It's not every day you find bubbles in a trash can."

"Who would be a better imaginary friend than me?" ~Sonia

"Your lips are wrapping around that pickle in a vigorous way."

"I was born with a third bun." ~Carl's Jr. Commercial

"If we give you a massive steroid you're all gonna look like Tarzan." ~Langford

"Do you think because everything is bigger in Texas everything is smaller in Rhode Island?" ~Katie Lee

"Sa rang he yo." (I love you in Korean!)

"What?! I have a great aunt Helga?!? Why did nobody tell me this?!?!" ~Brandon

"Make all your notes have jazz hands." ~Landon Wick

"Jessie, what are you doing? Collecting men's clothing?" ~Brittni

"I like those doors. There are, like, two of them."

"Her head looks like a jellyfish."

"You officially have twenty heads."

"Relax and eat your pears." ~Dad

"It's like strings and cheese mixed. It's string cheese." ~Bradley Matthews

"I like how the partly cloudy picture has more clouds than the cloudy picture." ~Brandon

"My burrito smells like alcohol."

"Have you ever had wars with your animal crackers?" ~Erin Syrett

"Wow. The ground is underneath my butt." ~Steven Degraaf

"I've never seen a fuzzy pig before."

"We should shake hands more often, Grandpa!" ~Jerek Lewis

"I'll just cough drop it up." ~Bradley Matthews

"Is that you? Is that your smell?"

"I've been ghost smacked." ~Brittni

"Why, is it because I'm dramatically beautiful?"

"Can I put you as my background?" ~Kylie Saylor

"We should go scope out the cups."

"I really wanna eat some glitter." ~Brittni

"Why are you putting ketchup on your fruit?"

"You look hung over." ~Mitch Nelson

"How can you handle an animal on your face like that?" ~Brittni

"At least I don't look like Josh Groban in a turtle neck!" ~Darren Robinson

"What the heck kind of seatbelt is this?"

"That's not a lemon snow cone."

"I learned today that I'm a lot better at dancing around a fire than I am at shooting a gun." ~Brittni

"Sonia, if you were a triangle you'd be a acute triangle." ~Steven Degraaf

"I'd rather have a lumpy watermelon than none." ~Brittni

"I don't normally smell my juice."

"Get ready to hear this quote from me." ~Kyle Stevens

"My green beans smell like a smoker!" ~Brittni

"I need a quote." ~Steven Degraff

"Cheating is good as long as it does good things for you." ~Mrs. Tawa--but don't take her seriously!

"Next thing I know there's a pineapple flying at me."

"There's a cat caressing my thigh." ~Brittni

"Stop wiggling your fingers under my bum."

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something in your life." ~Winston Churchill

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say 'I used everything you gave me.'"

"Whoa! If I get cold I'm going in the bathroom!" ~Brittni

"I haven't peed my pants in a long time." ~Brittni

"I've never had a foot massage on my back before." ~Brittni

"Are you tickling my moustache hairs?" ~Sonia

"We're not whiners. We're grateful. That's why we're fighting over it."

"It smells like Scott's house. Meat loaf and glue." ~Brandon

"Who needs a trampoline when we have you?" ~Cecily

"Are you really comparing yourself to Darren?" ~Brittni

"Talk to my dramatic hand." ~Cecily

"Why are people's toes, like, combing my feet?"

"Why is my pant leg in my other pant leg?" ~Hannah

"I think this music is making me smarter." ~Brittni

"Jesus knows how to shuffle." ~Chad Whitehead

"I've learned to chew with my tongue." ~Brittni

"When you see a man on top of a mountain you know he didn't fall there. Unless he skydives." ~Dad

"The meat goes down like water." ~Random guy on Food Network

"This is how everything should start. With a cup of bacon." ~Guy