"If you eat the red ones and the yellow ones, why not the orange? That's like if you like white people and you like black people, you've gotta like brown people." ~Langford

"If the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body, then only left handed people are in their right minds"

"When life gives you a wheelchair, find a ramp!"

"When you're kissing the right person, it's always simple."

"So don't put your hairy legs up against your sister!" ~Mom

"Is it just me, or does that kid sound like a goat?"