"I need to go to the bathroom before I watch this guy or I'll soil myself." ~Shawn Werber

"I feel more and more like a woman every second." ~Shawn Werber

"I'm gonna blow smelly cheese chunks in your direction."

"So now I know bald men still wash their heads..."

"If bad ideas were an olympic event, this would take the gold."

"They have great sugar free sugar cookies." ~Mrs. Merrell

"Arrogance complies prior to investigation." ~Taco Bell Worker

"I'm looking at everybody! Are you sensitive or what?" ~Mrs. Merrell (talking to Ryan of course)

"So I heard the captain of the Titanic had a crush on one of the guests, but in the end he just didn't know how to break the ice." ~Landon Wick

"She's eight. If God trusts her with sin, we should be able to trust her with a sandwich." ~Dad

"It looks like he's wearing a shirt under a shirt, but it's chest hair." ~Jansen Deuel

"Why does the black guy always die first?" ~Jansen Deuel

"If I ever lost my arm, I'd wanna, like, slap someone with it." ~Jansen Deuel

"Airplanes are magical. You walk in them and walk back out and you're some place completely new."

"Caleb's practically a Spice Girl." ~Brittni Mardis

"I'm gonna get a bucket of freaking acid and dump it on you." ~Chelsea Gover

"At least I don't eat fat sauce!" ~Jansen Deuel

"You know what? I can save a whole dollar by being an old lady." ~Mrs. Merrell

"Aaron, I know you put cheese in your ramen noodles, but ketchup on your pancakes is too much." ~Kaylee Maxwell

"This is like the Last Supper and Mrs. Merrell is Jesus." ~Landon Wick, at the last Journalism breakfast

"Oh my goodness. What did you order, Landon?"

"It's the Last Supper. Don't judge him!"

~Mrs. Merrell and Kaitlyn Child

"Are you saying all Asians have exploding warts?" ~Brandon

"Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters. Perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire." ~Tanner Spaulding

"I shave in the morning and then after school I look and they're all back." ~Kiki

"Did you spit on my redhead?" ~Eric Armijo

"Wait. Doesn't everyone's hearts stop when they die?" ~Katie Tremelling

"Hey, you're pinching my toe in your leg."

"There are still naked potatoes over here, so I'll just do everyone a favor and go get more." ~Darren Robinson

"My spiritual body is fat." ~Audrey Eldredge

"This place is amazing, Jessie. You need to move faster when there's free juice!" ~Landon Wick

"It bores me to say things that are normal." ~Brittni Mardis

"It's easy to say deep things when you're eating. Because eating goes deep." ~Brittni Mardis

"If you can't open a door, how can you drive a car?" ~Sarilee

"I'm sorry, but no dog with a smashed up face deserves to be called Princess." ~Dad